Monday, November 28, 2011

Kelly Barmann

     For those of us that run, we run because nothing else gives us that feeling. You know the feeling I mean. The strength we feel course through our bones after we've pounded the ground for countless hours during the week. The high at the end of a run that makes us feel like we've accomplished so much and the feeling of how much more we can do. Then the feelings of anger and frustration. That muscle cramp that won't go away, that new pain just when you thought everything was going according to plan. How badly it hurts us when we can't just go out for that run we think about so often during our day, and how we thirst for a time where injury will be no more. A bad race. A great workout. Even better food. There just isn't anything else like it. What makes it better though? A friend that suffers right next to you as you hit your pace for the mile interval and pushes you even harder through the next. Someone that will keep an eye out while you take the necessary squat behind a bush on the best of runs. The one who will ground you and remind you that no matter how much running is who you are, it isn't everything you are. I met Kelly my second year at the junior college I was attending in California. It was just an ordinary day at practice and I noticed a girl that wore really odd shoes (Vibrams) and ate strange foods after her runs. She ran with everybody, the guys, the girls, and sometimes just off on her own. Our very first conversation of introductions with each other I knew I'd fallen in love with this chick. She was so simple and humble, genuine and beautiful. She taught me about minimalistic running and how to sweeten everything with coconut. She was the star of the team, heck, she was almost the star of the guys team too! There was something different about her though. As fast as she could run, as strong as she was and is, she despised racing. Not because she was slow or bad, in fact she usually won every race she ran for the school, but just because it wasn't the reason she ran. She used collegiate running to get her into schools and further her academic career, but eventually quit her teams all together because the atmosphere they provided was not the life she wanted running to be. As Forrest Gump would say "Kelly was my best good friend." Even though she was far exceeding my running abilities she still would make me feel that I was superior and strong and I could do anything I put my mind to. I've never met another one like her. Our friendship, even though we live miles apart now, has blossomed over the years, and I look at her now as more of a sister and someone I care so deeply for that it goes beyond the simple word of friend. She came to visit this thanksgiving and I was in heaven! I run alone more so than not, I don't belong to a team or club, so it's just me. This can make me a little crazy at times. I often question what I'm working towards, to much time to think in my own head! When Kelly got here I was in ecstasy. I could actually verbalize my thoughts on my runs with her, I could laugh and be silent, she would always talk back and have something to say. It was so refreshing. We caught up on life on the miles we put on the trails getting lost in time together. We both decided it would be fun to do a turkey trot on thanksgiving morning. We signed up for a 10k and got ready to have some fun in a "non competitive" event for ourselves. The problem with that. We saw that the awards for the top 3 female finishers were pies.
1st place got 3, 2nd place got 2 pies, and 3rd place got 1. That was enough for us to decide to give the race a bit of an effort. There's always that one serious racer in a local racing event, and we definitely spotted the girl vying for our pies. She had the race pony tail and ribbons in her hair, and not to mention arm warmers on. That sealed the deal. We duked it out with her for a bit and she pulled away. Kelly went with her and looked back at me for the nod of approval. Of course I gave it to her... Kelly Barmann racing competitively is a beautiful thing! Coming around our second and final loop of the course I noticed Kelly running back towards me, and I though she had taken a wrong turn. Nope, she just didn't want to fight the competition anymore and she came back to sweep me up! We ended up coming in 2nd and 3rd and winning the age category. Needless to say, we got pies and didn't feel bad about not taking it to seriously! Having her there to share this experience with is what made it the experience it was, and what it always is when we're together. So this is a shout out to my best good friend Kelly B, I love you and miss you like crazy! Don't ever forget to thank the running pals in your life that make you're experiences what they are. You never know what it's like to not have them until one day you don't!
   


Sunday, November 13, 2011

Letting Go

I am afraid. I have fears. I think that everyone does whether they verbalize their fears or sweep them under their tongue. I fear having my life cut short, or not entering that hundred mile race I've talked about for ages, I fear losing the people I care the most about, and that society will never really accept me for being me but they will accept me if I become the cutout version of every other Joe blow cruising the streets. I fear that I will graduate college and have no idea about what comes next, or that I will not live the adventure I dare to dream about. I know that I believe in living in the moment, but I can never actually do this myself. I fear rent at the beginning of every month, or that credit card planning its attack on my background check, heck, I fear that if I blow dry my hair to try and tame it that the Portland weather will have nothing to do with it and as soon as I step out the door the mane to my right happens! (Which wouldn't be so bad if I was half as cute!) All of this being said I can confidently say I am ready to forge ahead and put it all behind! Do you remember the days when you walked outside wearing pajamas, tutu, and a cape, ready to take on the world one cartwheel at a time? A time when you jumped out of the shower without thinking how cold it was going to be as soon as your foot stepped out onto the cold floor awaiting you? Your imagination ran wild with nothing to hold you back or stop you, and if anyone ever told you, you couldn't you wouldn't invite them to the campout in your backyard where you would reenact the adventures of Huckleberry Finn? This being said I will now charge forward, fearless, inspired, encouraged, and determined to claim back what is rightfully mine. Me! Over the years I have let fears build up after being the victim, they have shut out my creativity, my drive, and my innocent views on life. Life itself is so short, and so unbelievably beautiful that I want to cherish every single moment of every single breath I have. I don't have to try to fill the shoes of someone I will never be. I don't have to live the life everybody else lives and settle for mediocrity, all I have to do is be me, and you know something? I'm fine with that. So reject me, call me weird, don't like my ideas or my hair, or the way I dress, laugh at me, mock me, judge me, ridicule me, but know that your opinion is void, as are all, and I will continue to live on being silly, lame, weird old me. And she lived happily ever after. Sucker.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Three Strikes and Not Out

First mountain bike crash
Final crash result
Ok, it is clear to me that when you fall and pick yourself up you become a better, stronger person and that the falling is always necessary to really move forward. Here's my issue. Why do I need to fall 3 times within 10 days to really come to terms with this knowledge? Probably because the first and second time didn't get through to me I'm guessing. The third time really drove it home. My first two crashes happened in Mammoth where my savior (Momma Ashley) was there to tend to my wounds and really help pick me up when the ground was ever so enticing. To be more specific with how these crashes happened, the first was a root that popped itself up out of the ground so that my toe would conveniently meet it and make friends followed by the rest of my body making friends with the surrounding dirt that supported the life of the root in the first place. Second crash occurred same day hours later only this time I was on a bike and my front tire did NOT want to make friends with a rock blocking its path. I flew over the handle bars and the bike followed suit by crashing down on my back to seal the deal. This crash really put mountain biking into perspective for me and surprisingly I really enjoyed the experience of getting a little bloody and dirty! The fact that I still have some pretty good bruises hanging out with me isn't so great, but hey they're just friendly reminders of what a bada$$ I was haha. Now for the third crash. This was only my second run after the marathon last Saturday and I had a real familiar 8 mile route planned for the evening. Matt even jumped on my new mountain bike (because I'm obviously a mountain biker now too) to test out the ride and follow me. The run was going almost to good. My quads were still feeling the downhill from the marathon, but the legs felt strong and smooth. My arms pumped harder than usual and my legs fell into the rhythm. My heart rate stayed low and my breathing was unbelievably controlled. I couldn't stop smiling, and I definitely didn't even want to stop running. I was in a fantastic state of euphoria! As I'm running down this gradual hill I spotted some dirt off to the side of the harsh pavement and without hesitating, jumped right onto it to give my feet some soft surface as I was running in the vibrams. About 2 steps onto the new surface my toe caught a little metal post that I feel was only there to trip up some innocent passerby in the first place. I went down like a sack of potatoes. My first initial thought was "i wonder how many people just saw that," followed by the ultimate feelings of frustration. Matt heard the loud thunk as I went down and he circled back to rush over to me. What a guy! I stood there covered in dirt, new blood, splinters and a ripped open vibram. I was so frustrated as I recalled the previous two crashes quickly in my mind that I just started laughing. It was an involuntary laugh, as if it was my body's only way of coping with what just happened AGAIN. I could feel the blood running down my elbow and the rawness of where my old scab from the bike crash had been ripped open. My frustrations with the whole situation just manifested themselves into running home like a bat out of hell. When I got home I called Ashley to vent, and just hearing her voice made it all ok again. I eventually got cleaned up and headed to bed. The adrenaline from falling wore off and within a matter of hours I was ready to come to the conclusion that I probably broke my foot, seeing that I was woken up in the middle of the night in excruciating pain unable to do anything but cry and soak my foot in an ice cold bath. I had to crawl my way to and from where I was trying to get because as soon as I put weight on the foot I once again went down like a sack of potatoes. I could barely walk Friday and thought it would be likely that I wouldn't be able to run for the next few weeks. Miraculously, as the day went on the pain started to lessen and the swelling was even beginning to look better. As of this morning my foot is a bit sore, but it's as if nothing had ever happened to it. Crazy how the body works tirelessly to heal itself so effectively!
Now the point of this blog post in the first place. Each time I fell I experienced something completely different and unique. The first fall made me get over my fear of falling while running. The mountain bike crash made me realize that, that was probably the worst bike crash I will have for awhile and in the end I felt more confident in my ability to deal with pain on a more serious level and still have fun in the end. The final crash did several things for me. It made me realize that just when everything seems to be going the way you want, life will always find a way to stick an obstacle in your way and see how you deal with it and overcome it. Also, when the thought came to mind that I had broken my foot, I realized how much I taken being healthy and injury free for granted. NEVER EVER do this. Every moment you have that you are alive and breathing and able bodied, cherish it and love it, because it only takes something small to change that completely. I was in the passenger seat while Matt drove and as we went along I saw many runners out giving themselves to the run and I envied each and every one of them for the effortlessness in their steps. Your body is capable of unbelievable feats of greatness and strength and it is meant to be used and worked for the overall betterment of the person inhabiting it. Use it, appreciate it, love it and treat it with care, nourish it,  because you never know when you may not have the option to do so anymore. More importantly find your passion and go for it. Never let the fear of not being great keep you pursuing your dreams. Traveling the road of passion is so much better than traveling the road of mediocracy and normalcy.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

.2 Beyond 26 Miles!

Where do I even begin? So much has happened since I last posted and once again I am aware I only have two previous posts. I shall begin with my last trip to Mammoth Lakes CA. Matt's family for the last 17 years has camped in Mammoth, usually at twin lakes campground and I have ventured up a couple of times with my old high school cross country team so I knew the beauty of where we were heading. Not only was I excited to get out of Portland for a week, but I was beyond ecstatic knowing that for the next week I was going to have a running buddy... the one and only Ashley. We left Friday night after the work day ended and drove straight through the night to get into Mammoth mid morning Saturday. The best part about pulling into the campground and arriving at the campsite for the first time was watching Matts mom jump and scream and come barreling towards the car in a fit of joy to see her boy whom she rarely gets to see because of being a state away and all. Jack was just thrilled to be out of the back of the car he had just spent the last 13 hours in. We spent the morning catching up and getting settled in and then like clockwork Ash and I headed out for a lovely little run. Altitude sucks when you live at sea level. Plain and simple. We were there for a week, and by the end of the week I was beginning to finally feel OK. Regardless of the state of pain my wimpy lungs were in it was beyond fantastic to be running with my sister from anotha mister! The next day Ash and I were signed up for a 10K where she dominated and I was reminded that I am no speedster just yet. The week was so great that I can't even begin to describe all of my favorite parts without writing a mini novel. Fishing, bear sightings, hiking, beautiful running, camp fires, mosquitoes (sucked), Ashley's guitar playing, seeing old cross country pals and eating fantastic vegan meals thanks to Momma Beech who likes me enough to buy the vegan goods! It came and went so quick, but still every moment was cherished!
As much as this was a week for relaxation and fun, it was also a week of preparation for my Crater Lake Marathon that was happening the day after we were leaving. My pal Caroline decided a few months back she wanted to train for a marathon and needed someone to help keep her on track and have fun with her, and obviously I was the only well qualified friend for the job haha. The marathon itself was actually at an altitude almost as high as Mammoth so the previous week of training gave me a little edge in the competition. After Matt so gallantly took the reins, on his birthday mind you, to drive 10 hours to the campground where Caroline and her Grandpa were staying, we stretched our legs and did some catching up again. Caroline is such a light hearted person and being around her you can't help but be happy and make light of things at every moment. It was really refreshing after the drive! Matt, Jack and I camped out for the final night in the E (what we call our Honda Element), and woke up around 4:30 the next morning to fuel up and head out to the start of the epic 26.2 miles ahead of us. When Poppa Hugh and Matt dropped us off at the start they headed to the finish area to wait because they were closing down the roads in order to make way for the stampede of us runners. While we waited Caroline flooded me with Crater Lake info... Did you know it's one of the deepest lakes in the world and the deepest in the U.S. only being fed with snow melt and rain? Bet you didn't, but now you do! We laughed so hard and joked about people's outfits, styles, and anything else we found amusing like the powerbar Caroline stuck down her bra only to call it a powerBOOB. When the whistle blew signaling the start of the race I knew that I would only be able to stay with her for a bit because her plans for the race were to survive and finish and mine were to run faster than my first marathon. It was sad making the break from her but she smiled me off and promised to see me soon. As I breathed in the cool brisk air I was taken aback by the beauty of what was surrounding me. There was still so much snow that had not yet melted and the lake was reflecting the morning sun just right. I could hear the heavy breathing of almost everyone around me and once again I was so thankful for the week of altitude I had under my spandex. The first 8 miles went by unbelievably quick because it was all downhill which had me thinking I could run a blazing fast time overall. NOT! Right around mile 9 there was an uphill, and as far as the eye could see there was no end to it. I climbed and climbed and climbed and climbed some more, there was a point where I thought this must be a joke, there's no way when I turn this corner that there will be more uphill. I found out pretty quick that this was not a joking matter and there was indeed much more uphill around many more corners. Never once did I think that I'd win any kind of award for these miles, but as I came through mile 14 I had an aid station full of people cheering me on screaming "YEAH first girl though! You rock! Lookin strong sister! GO!" I had no idea I was leading the female pack. Finally mile 15 hit and the heavens opened up with downhill. To my surprise however, the downhill ended up hurting much more in the long run than the uphill, but none the less I wanted to kiss the ground that was taking me downhill. A man I was running with came up beside me and asked if I'd ever run the course before, and naturally I said "Nope!" He gave me great advice about what to expect in the miles to come, like the 2 miles treacherous climb right before the end and how the downhill we were currently running would last a few more miles. I thanked him and at the end of the race thanked him again for preparing me for the last climb, which was AWFUL. No sugar coating necessary. I crossed the line in 3:47:47 which like I said, was no blazing time, no course record, and not my goal time, but I somehow held my lead for the ladies coming in first female, winning my age category and getting some delicious watermelon to recover with. I've never had people pull me aside after a race for any kind of interview and as soon as I crossed I felt like I was a good smelling turd with flies flocking to me. I had people wanting to congratulate me, interview me for the local paper, talk to me about why I wanted to run this particular marathon, and even had some runners thank me for pushing them through the last few miles. If I wasn't hooked to distance running before I am 100% hooked now. Caroline came across the line with the biggest of smiles and I couldn't wait to wrap her in a hug and tell her how proud I was of her. She decided that she too is also a lover of the 26.2 mile distance after that race. I don't experience glory and even overall success that often so this was a special moment for me and with this race I felt like a forever changed person. I feel strong and alive and so fortunate to be healthy and even able to run in the first place. I am charged up and ready to dedicate myself to the sport of distance training, whether fast or not, it's truly what I love. The experiences are once in a lifetime and you learn something new about yourself every time. I admired everyone that crossed the line that day and realized that every single person there had accomplished something that most people will never be able to boast. I saw a quote the other day that really put things into perspective for me and really inspired me to take the reins of life into my hands and charge forward with no looking back. After this marathon I have come to realize that there is so much to learn not only about myself and others around me, but about living life with everything you've got and making your journey what you really want it to be.  "The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it - Anon”