Monday, November 28, 2011

Kelly Barmann

     For those of us that run, we run because nothing else gives us that feeling. You know the feeling I mean. The strength we feel course through our bones after we've pounded the ground for countless hours during the week. The high at the end of a run that makes us feel like we've accomplished so much and the feeling of how much more we can do. Then the feelings of anger and frustration. That muscle cramp that won't go away, that new pain just when you thought everything was going according to plan. How badly it hurts us when we can't just go out for that run we think about so often during our day, and how we thirst for a time where injury will be no more. A bad race. A great workout. Even better food. There just isn't anything else like it. What makes it better though? A friend that suffers right next to you as you hit your pace for the mile interval and pushes you even harder through the next. Someone that will keep an eye out while you take the necessary squat behind a bush on the best of runs. The one who will ground you and remind you that no matter how much running is who you are, it isn't everything you are. I met Kelly my second year at the junior college I was attending in California. It was just an ordinary day at practice and I noticed a girl that wore really odd shoes (Vibrams) and ate strange foods after her runs. She ran with everybody, the guys, the girls, and sometimes just off on her own. Our very first conversation of introductions with each other I knew I'd fallen in love with this chick. She was so simple and humble, genuine and beautiful. She taught me about minimalistic running and how to sweeten everything with coconut. She was the star of the team, heck, she was almost the star of the guys team too! There was something different about her though. As fast as she could run, as strong as she was and is, she despised racing. Not because she was slow or bad, in fact she usually won every race she ran for the school, but just because it wasn't the reason she ran. She used collegiate running to get her into schools and further her academic career, but eventually quit her teams all together because the atmosphere they provided was not the life she wanted running to be. As Forrest Gump would say "Kelly was my best good friend." Even though she was far exceeding my running abilities she still would make me feel that I was superior and strong and I could do anything I put my mind to. I've never met another one like her. Our friendship, even though we live miles apart now, has blossomed over the years, and I look at her now as more of a sister and someone I care so deeply for that it goes beyond the simple word of friend. She came to visit this thanksgiving and I was in heaven! I run alone more so than not, I don't belong to a team or club, so it's just me. This can make me a little crazy at times. I often question what I'm working towards, to much time to think in my own head! When Kelly got here I was in ecstasy. I could actually verbalize my thoughts on my runs with her, I could laugh and be silent, she would always talk back and have something to say. It was so refreshing. We caught up on life on the miles we put on the trails getting lost in time together. We both decided it would be fun to do a turkey trot on thanksgiving morning. We signed up for a 10k and got ready to have some fun in a "non competitive" event for ourselves. The problem with that. We saw that the awards for the top 3 female finishers were pies.
1st place got 3, 2nd place got 2 pies, and 3rd place got 1. That was enough for us to decide to give the race a bit of an effort. There's always that one serious racer in a local racing event, and we definitely spotted the girl vying for our pies. She had the race pony tail and ribbons in her hair, and not to mention arm warmers on. That sealed the deal. We duked it out with her for a bit and she pulled away. Kelly went with her and looked back at me for the nod of approval. Of course I gave it to her... Kelly Barmann racing competitively is a beautiful thing! Coming around our second and final loop of the course I noticed Kelly running back towards me, and I though she had taken a wrong turn. Nope, she just didn't want to fight the competition anymore and she came back to sweep me up! We ended up coming in 2nd and 3rd and winning the age category. Needless to say, we got pies and didn't feel bad about not taking it to seriously! Having her there to share this experience with is what made it the experience it was, and what it always is when we're together. So this is a shout out to my best good friend Kelly B, I love you and miss you like crazy! Don't ever forget to thank the running pals in your life that make you're experiences what they are. You never know what it's like to not have them until one day you don't!
   


Sunday, November 13, 2011

Letting Go

I am afraid. I have fears. I think that everyone does whether they verbalize their fears or sweep them under their tongue. I fear having my life cut short, or not entering that hundred mile race I've talked about for ages, I fear losing the people I care the most about, and that society will never really accept me for being me but they will accept me if I become the cutout version of every other Joe blow cruising the streets. I fear that I will graduate college and have no idea about what comes next, or that I will not live the adventure I dare to dream about. I know that I believe in living in the moment, but I can never actually do this myself. I fear rent at the beginning of every month, or that credit card planning its attack on my background check, heck, I fear that if I blow dry my hair to try and tame it that the Portland weather will have nothing to do with it and as soon as I step out the door the mane to my right happens! (Which wouldn't be so bad if I was half as cute!) All of this being said I can confidently say I am ready to forge ahead and put it all behind! Do you remember the days when you walked outside wearing pajamas, tutu, and a cape, ready to take on the world one cartwheel at a time? A time when you jumped out of the shower without thinking how cold it was going to be as soon as your foot stepped out onto the cold floor awaiting you? Your imagination ran wild with nothing to hold you back or stop you, and if anyone ever told you, you couldn't you wouldn't invite them to the campout in your backyard where you would reenact the adventures of Huckleberry Finn? This being said I will now charge forward, fearless, inspired, encouraged, and determined to claim back what is rightfully mine. Me! Over the years I have let fears build up after being the victim, they have shut out my creativity, my drive, and my innocent views on life. Life itself is so short, and so unbelievably beautiful that I want to cherish every single moment of every single breath I have. I don't have to try to fill the shoes of someone I will never be. I don't have to live the life everybody else lives and settle for mediocrity, all I have to do is be me, and you know something? I'm fine with that. So reject me, call me weird, don't like my ideas or my hair, or the way I dress, laugh at me, mock me, judge me, ridicule me, but know that your opinion is void, as are all, and I will continue to live on being silly, lame, weird old me. And she lived happily ever after. Sucker.